The thought of my own retirement struck my mind only when, someone from our group, retired. But then, I thought 'There's one more teacher in my batch, she will retire first.' That time my mental make up was such that 'the day of retirement ' was next to unthinkable as if I won't have to retire. Gradually, the time passed as usual.
One fine morning, the first working day of the month
following the retirement of that teacher, I saw my name on the top, in the teachers'
attendance register. Immediately after that, the behavior of
majority of staff members started to change, some turned out to be more
pleasant than before, some started to behave as if I have turned a culprit. A
small percentage however started ignoring me “as if I'm an outsider just
roaming here and there in the school”.
On the whole, from top to bottom in the hierarchy (Whatever
it was), there was a strange mix of 'People-behaviour', extreme positive to
negative.
Daily, after duty hours, I used to check, "who behaved how" and the reasons of such behavior. I had not much to do at school those days. It was mainly due to two reasons; my students of class 12 had appeared in board exams and were out now and class 11 students would come in July. Before that, my term would have been over. So, due to less mental burden of work, my mind had assumed nothing wrong to utilize that time by engaging in thinking about people's behavior more than, I ever had done in the entire life.
I started preparing myself mentally for 'that day'.
Whenever any so-called difficult work would be there and
they would discuss in the staff room, I would jokingly say, 'Do as you wish, I
would be out after some time.'
Gradually, the situation started becoming more serious. I
would think every day, 'What shall I do the whole day?' Thoughts of uselessness
and zero self-worth would occupy my mind. My behavior turned negative at home.
One day my niece said, "I think you are upset thinking about post-retirement period, People start living life after retirement and you’ve started thinking the other way."
It clicked my mind.
I could easily make out the conclusion. This 'lack of
self-worth and aim' was the reason of my negative behaviour, these days. I just
searched internet for some motivation about retirement. Instantly, I saw an
article on self-care in the post-retirement period. There was nothing new in
the article. But the way it was written proved to be beneficial, for the time
being.
Then, I started thinking about what I've been doing for so
many years in my free time at home. I put myself in the shoes of a ‘stranger’
doing that work and the way I’ve been doing it, without any personal or
financial help from anyone, sacrificing many things and outdoor activities,
sidelined my other hobbies, what I can do further etc.
The thought pattern changed for the better. I started to
think positively and would think, “Now there will be enough time to do what I
wanted to do, what I can do. Now, day and night, my website and my hobbies
would occupy my mind, and I started waiting eagerly for my retirement.
Whenever, anyone would ask me about my post-retirement
plans, I would just smile and express my happiness over all this. Earning money is not the only meaningful way to live life happily.
